2 Weeks

I just gave my 2 weeks notice to my job of over a year, when I found out they were going to try and fire me. ME. Good GOD. I carried that store, and when my boss came back, no thanks, no gratitude. And then she told everyone she was going to fire me. Everyone know before I did. The amount of unprofessionalism astonishes me. I am truly saddened that I worked my arse off for a company, and I don't even get rewarded. Eff.

And now I don't have one to replace it...........

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. And Then Some.

So remember last year, that guy I so discreetly mentioned.....in my post "Awkwardness"? Let's just say......I contacted him...... (So many ellipsis!!!) He sounds so awesome. And I really want me meet him. So much so in fact, that I'm checking my email every 5 minutes to see if he's written me back. He hasn't. You know, as well as I do that I have a whole effing lot of regrets. And while I knew it was unwise to start something with him last year in my horrid state, I can't help but thinking, that I may be too late. That I've missed my chance. He's been in the back of my mind for a year. That should tell me something. But have I been in his? How any other girls has he met? Does he now love one of them? Have I missed the most perfect person ever? Right, I'm getting ahead of myself, but seriously! I think all this and it's starting to drive me mad. Why won't he just get online and let me know. See, I also happen to think, I won't be awesome enough for him. (In real life, yes, but not on paper.) ARGH!


Eff.

Home...?

Apartment hunting is a hassle. I want to be in and settled now. I worry, filling out the application, much like college apps, that I won't get in. Because of certain reasons. I hope I can though, create my own home, and finally not have to worry about being kicked out due to personality differences or lake of religious commitment. EXCITED.

Lucky...

I am so nervous. My current job offered me the position that I wanted and wanted for 7 months. Tomorrow, I go to prove myself. Luck. I need it.

Seriously? Why NOW?

I finally got a new job. One I wanted a while ago. It pays, it has hours. I should be ecstatic. I was surface when I got it, but after the initial shock, I didn't really care. This was the job, the lynch-pin, that my entire life was holding on to. Why can't I care? I just started making friends at my current job. Something that is almost impossible for me to do. And the boy....... I give my two weeks to my boss tomorrow. I have to weeks to make a move, or say something.... I need to. I have too many regrets when it comes to guys. I'm going to try to keep a few hours at my current job if I can, and I know I say it's for the extra money and partly it is, but now......maybe so I happen to see him. SEE!!! This is what I hate about liking someone. You start to try to incorporate them into your life, something that may not be good for you.

Gasp!

I feel. Not a lot mind you, but maybe a flicker. It always happens when someone relatively cute pays you a compliment, and then pays a little more attention to you then you are used to. And so it begins, you only feel because of the adrenaline rush. You find it horrible that you go out of your ways to make your stomach drop, your heart stop, and you stutter. And that is the only way you can feel what it used to be like. It's not the person. It's the lingerings of distant feelings. Ones I so desperately want to feel again.

Straight Jacket

It's gotten to the point where all this insanity is starting to drive me crazy. I don't want to be insane. I am perfectly fine admitting that I am not completely sane, but I'm not totally gone. I wonder what it would be like to be sane.... hmmmmm. It's a strange thing to admit your brain doesn't function normally. I'm positive that admittance will bring about it's own destruction. Eventually...........insanity will catch up with me and when it does. I think I shall invite it to have sushi.

I actually don't feel like I've even said anything. See? Just goes to show you how crazy I actually am...