Make A Mistake

I have a ridiculous Demi Lovato song stuck in my head. "Give Your Heart A Break" it's catchy....but really, I know I have better taste. But sometimes you wonder, why songs get stuck in your head? Is it the tune, or the words? Is there a deeper meaning? Maybe I over think things....see so much in little things, that really mean nothing.

Crush

Today, I still feel angry. I will for a while longer, because I know I need to let myself be. I am open about the anger problems I have. most people laugh in disbelief, and my friends don't take it seriously. Why should they, I never act out in front of them. I keep calm, cool, collected. But right now, I really want to curb stomp someone. I want to make someone feel the pain I feel. So I know I'm not alone. I don't know. I'm effed in the head. Right? That can't be normal. Can it?


"Anger is a short madness." 
- Horace

Hold

So here's how I feel right now. Abandoned, betrayed, over-dramatic. And effing pissed. My father. Enough said. He made it sound like my new life changes were in the process, and he fails to mention my move and school to my step-mother. She naturally freaks out and vetos it. Wonderful. Fine, I'll stay here with my promotion. I do things on my own, since I obviously can't count on you to try and rectify your failures as parents in the past. Thanks for that. They don't even know me, they don't seem to want to. And that's fine, really it is, but you can't make assumptions based on not knowing people, or how they live their lives now. I'm not the one who has failed. They have. I'm not the one who is limeted. They are. And I AM NOT THE ONE WHO WILL FALL. I believe I have already proven that.

It All Pays Off!

You know the saying; "When one door closes, another opens."? I'm not usually such a believer in those things. However, unknown to me, such has been happening. Big changes have presented themselves. I'm moving to the South to go back to school. I know, after four years, things finally fell into place. I honestly can't quite begin to believe it. I'm the typer of person who believes that good things never happen to people like me. I am so excited!

Goes, And Goes, And Goes.

I know I obsess, and I know that it screws with my head. It may seem like nothing, but have you ever felt like you were meant to accomplish something with one person. I know I may not be putting it quite right, not that you were meant to BE with someone. But you were meant to do so much more WITH them. I've been ignoring it for some time, but it keeps nudging and prodding, I'm trying no to think much about it. I just do this when my loneliness builds up to an intolerable point. I know how I think. Sad that I can predict how I'll react and how long it will take me to get over it.... I'll go play sappy songs on my ukulele.

Things I Remember.

I guess it's a belated "Happy New Year!" I'm hopefully getting a studio by myself in Tacoma. I have no boy, and I'm starting to realize how not okay I am with that. I know, it sounds like I've lost all my morals. That I'm simply changing, but we all know that the fact is, in then end, we just want to feel loved.

You know me. I'm horrible at feelings. I'm horrible at being me.

I've Got Dreams.

It's funny, Socks and I had a conversation about the subconcious, and truly, I still remain perplexed. I on one hand think of the subconsious as a completely different part of your psyche.