Empty

There are sometimes when I feel all alone. I know that I have friends and family, who love me, but I still feel alone. I don’t know how to change it. That feeling of emptiness that consumes your heart until it feels like you have no heart left. All you have is that aching feeling where your heart used to be. I don’t mean to be depressing and dramatic. I just long to find something, someone who takes that felling away. However, what if I never find it? And let’s say I do, will it take away that loneliness or will that feeling still be there? I have come to this conclusion; I either need to find a way to come to terms with my loneliness, or get used to feeling empty.

Rejection

When push come to shove, is it worth being honest? With honesty, you expose yourself to pain and rejection, or love and acceptance. With either, you could place on opposite ends of the scale. My concern is the obvious one. Rejection. I have a circumstance where I can keep my feelings to myself, and wonder. On the other hand, I could shatter all hope I have ever had of love. Or…. things could go perfect and I would be with that one I love. I have choices ahead of me, and I wonder; out of these three options, Is there a compromise?

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?

So…………… here’s what’s going on. Socks parents are getting divorced. This not only shatters and trust that Socks “Might” have ever had for marriage, (I say might because she was never that sold on it any way.), but it has also changed my outlook on love and marriage as well. I love someone. He doesn’t know that I love him, and for now it’s best that way. My Aunt and Uncle were in love, my Uncle loves my Aunt more than his own life. (By the way, she is leaving him.) That love at one time reciprocated, is now a pained commitment and adoration. Marriage is not absolute, there are no guarantees. How can a license and a ring mean so much to some, and to others so little? What holds someone to that promise; “Until death, do us part.”? I believe that my Uncle’s love for my Aunt will always remain. For he has been there for her. Every step of their life together. My Aunt, I hope will someday realize what a wonderful man she once had. Me…. I don’t know if my heart would be able to survive had its love been rejected. I know, I know, I’m depressing. But I just hope Socks and I both find a relationship worth staying in. No, I mean, I hope this divorce hasn’t shattered all hopes, of a truly fantastic relationship. No I….. I just don’t know how you could survive if your life left you.

Horizons

Change. We think we will be fine when it arrives. When it’s here we tell ourselves that it’s a good thing. Then one day we snap and we lose it, because we finally realize things will no longer be the same. Sometimes, we morn the familiar, and despise the new. Other times, we rejoice in the change. I wonder though, what about the times when we could care less? A new horizon approaches, and we barely notice it. Does that mean we have accepted that change happens? Or does it mean that we have lost interest in the adventure of life?

Hitting The Books

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! College starts back up again in less than a month. I know, I know, all you highschoolers out there are like; “Hello? We start in less than a week!” Fine! Still though, I am not really looking forward to it. Well actually that’s not entirely true. A very small, and insignificant part of me is kind of excited to be going back to school. I get to be with my friends again and make some new ones. Maybe. I think I’ll be o.k., well regardless of whether I want to be or not, I’ll be o.k. (I desperately hope.)

... And They Lived Happily Ever After

I have watched so many movies lately with a happy ending that I have begun to wonder; will that "happy ever after" be mine? I want to believe it with every fiber of my being, but some small part of me doubts it will ever happen to me. I hear of it and see it happen to others. I know that you can make your own "happy ever after", but does that mean you’re forcing it? I don’t really know, I just hope that I don't force a happy ending, and always wonder if it really is.

Scream

I am currently in a bad mood. Everyone I know is either walking all over me, or just flat out ignoring me. What is going on? I think I need a vacation. I started working the day after I got out of school, and haven't had one measly little break. I am still doing some math to keep me fresh for school, I have college auditions in January, and I have relationship problems up to the roof. I need a place to be alone, but that is impossible to find in my life. I am so tired, I just need to unwind.