IDK what inspired me to want to write again. I think someone mentioned something about starting a blog and I was like..."Oh...I have one of those..."
Anyway, it also could be a desire to have thoughts elsewhere on the internet that my Facebook friends don't see. Sounds contradictory I know... Regardless, here I am.
What's new... Looking back on a lot of these posts from college it's clear to see the rampant depression. I got diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (Type 2) in January of 2013. I didn't understand why my logical mind would betray me with out of control emotions. As soon as I got medicated, my life changed. I could handle more life problems, and work on betting myself with a clear lens. I was 22 and just starting to discover who I was. I had no idea that was the beginning of a really rough journey. I know most people over the age of 30 say that they would never want to re-live their 20's again. And I totally get it now. I went through a horribly abusive relationship, lost people I considered my closest friends, and moved to the city I'd dreamed of living in as a child. I learned to deal with horrid anxiety, and that alone I consider a win. I found ME. I loved who I was, and for the first time in almost 25 years, I was happy and confident. I didn't think things would change.
Then I met Sam in June of 2015. I didn't know when we first met, that this was something good. I'd been battle worn from sport dating through the city, and had tailored my likes and dislikes like a fine tuned machine. I, as a well knows cynic was swept off my feet. I proposed a year later. Yeah, I know....me.
He changed my mind about marriage, and commitment, something I never thought would happen.
I got a big girl job that actually paid me to live. (Actually way more...like....WAAAAAYYY more.)
We got a puppy, Sam got a job with me, and we have our first apartment together.
I still fight my own Bipolar demons, but so does Sam, and I know that he gets it.
So I look back at my early 20s, the fair-weathered friends, the shitty job and living situations, the lack of real honest to god love. And I would never, ever, want to re-live that again.
~ Eva
