I don't know. Like is so weird sometimes. You think that the path eventually becomes clear, and then it just drops you off a cliff. And then, because you were the one who decided to take said path, you're expected to just be okay that it dropped you off a cliff. You're not allowed to deal with your injury, because "You need to take responsibility for your life choices." Okay.....sure... and I get that, but come on...
Dealing with pain and loss, and taking that time to grieve is really important. And to be honest, I really haven't taken the time lately to do that. I know that it starts to cause issues in other areas, and then just makes me feel worse about the initial choice(s) that led me to this shitty place to start. But how to you balance grieving and still living your life, and adulting? I can't figure it out. It seems like avoidance works for a small time. But then that habit of avoiding bleeds to everything else.
You know that you need to not, but it's just easier to deal with hypotheticals than the real thing... I guess. Especially now, when I usually anticipate the worst possible outcome vs. something good going right for me. Not to be all 'woe is me', but there was a point when I stopped having joy, even when stuff got hard. I don't know if that's even possible to go back to.
Obvs need more therapy.
