Safety

I've been told that I need to post something new. Yet I feel like I'm a fraud if I try and post something when I have nothing to say. I've been told, I always have something to say. Riiiiiiiight........ So what do I say? Continue rambling on how unhappy I am with my life? Or should I complain on how my entire family has excommunicated me? Oh oh oh!!! Maybe you would like to take a look into my self loathing? No? Then perhaps my loneliness, or the fact that I hide from everyone and the face I show all my friends is a lie? I ask a lot of questions for someone trying to disappear, huh? Damn, another question. I shall settle on a topic, I suppose. Boys........they ruin everything. I'm blissfully sleeping, and on some insignificant adventure, when in my dream I realize that I have a child. A boy I happen to slightly likes baby. And if that wasn't bad enough, I dream it again. I'm pretty solid in the fact that I don't want children. So why am I dreaming about having one? Perhaps it's a subconscious inability to let go of my own childhood, and actually GROW UP. I can't seem to do that. I'm at the point where if I don't grow up, I'm gonna drown. Seriously. I want to be 5. When Santa and the Tooth Fairy were real, and bed time stories were magical, and piggy-back rides were mandatory. Sandboxes were where it was at, Popsicles were the bomb, and the sprinkler made you happy. I'm 19. I'm 5. I'm done with growing up. I can't. It hurts and I don't like it. I will throw a fit. I will scream. I will stick my tongue out. *sigh* I can dream can't I? No wait, those are being invaded by my supposed future children. Where the hell can I be safe? Damnit.