*click*

So whilst thinking about going back to school......I realize it's going to be a lot harder than I expected. Money, money, money. I'm getting discouraged. While it seems like a fantastic idea, all the odds seem to be stacking themselves against me. I know, I know, I still can go. I just have to work for it. And taking a look at the course work today, made my heart feel the lightest it's been in a long time. But financial aid, may not declare me as and 'Independent Student' so my money from them could be scarce. So I'll finish my Associates Degree at the closest community college. That's good right....community college again.... *sigh* But if it get's me where I want to be then I'll do it. I'll fight financial aid, I'll fight my parents, I'll fight my odds. But I really want to go to that art school. Even thinking that I could go there makes me.......feel like I could actually get on me feet. No just sit, and be passed by. I've been in this place for so long that a glimpse of a future where I'm doing something I love. Oh!!!! In other news, I got a photography internship with a local photographer who did Sock's senior photos! Sooooo stoked. Now to find a camera...

Humming

This song has been stuck in my head for a long time now. While still not my "Mr. Brightside", I do adore it so.

I'm running out of ways to make you see,
I want you to stay here beside me.
I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am.
So just tell me today and take my hand,

Please take my hand,
Please take my hand,
Please take my hand,
Please take my hand.


Just say yes,
Just say there's nothing holding you back.
It's not a test,
Nor a trick of the mind, only love.

It's so simple and you know it is, you know it is.
We can't be to and from like this, all our lives.
You're the only way to me, the path is clear.
What do I have to say to you for Gods sake, dear?

For Gods sake, dear,
For Gods sake, dear,
For Gods sake, dear,
For Gods sake, dear.

Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love

Just say yes, coz Im aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want
Its all I want

Just say yes,
Just say there's nothing holding you back.
It's not a test,
Nor a trick of the mind, only love.

Just say yes,
'Cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch,
Of your warm skin as I breathe you in.

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt.
This was all I wanted, all I want.

It's all I want,
It's all I want,
It's all I want,
It's all I want.

Just say yes,
Just say there's nothing holding you back.
It's not a test,
Nor a trick of the mind, only love.

Just say yes,
'Cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch,
Of your warm skin as I breathe you in.


~ Snow Patrol

Pen And Paper Frighten Me

I'm supposed to write a letter to my mother. One I'm not supposed to send. But know in me, I'll still send it. How does one, find all the things that hate about a person, and the relationship, You can think of many, but over the course of an hour, little ones pop up, here and there. But you can never remember them all at once. How do I sadden thee? Let me count the ways... mother. Cripes.

Fog

Winsomeness, and lavender. God, I feel strange. Like where you aren't sure if this universe is actually the one you belong to. Okay, sci-fi, but still..... I've taken up sewing and designing again, and my brain hurts. Still, not really a headache but a pain. Ahhh, I can't explain it. Nevermind.

And music, keeps getting stuck in my head. Not like the usual stuff, but random bits. Stuff I don't even really like. And I feel superior, even though I'm probably not. I think I am so amazing at my own knowledge of music. I'm probably just stupid.

Yet.............

Soldiering

If you can hold on,

If you can hold on,

Hold on.

Lackless

I spent Easter with my family. My mom and step-dad and brothers and sister. I think that says enough.

My brother is the one who judges me the most. Why? I have no idea. He just does. Does he not realize that he's a dick? Hahaha, never. But while I know he's my brother and all..........I still don't know if I want to be friends with him. Because if we weren't related, I wouldn't even look at him.

In other news, I'm trying to make the room I stay in, my room, and it's getting there. Lots of work, but I need a space, and I need it before my mind collapses.

And Socks, got into the college she wanted. Is it bad that my reasons for being happy for her a selfish. I am happy she"s going, so that she'll stop trying to pretend she knows what it feels like to fail and have no future. I"m so sick of it. I know her feelings are real, but just not justified.

Oh, and yes......I officially think that my compulsive sewing habits are going to get my wardrobe in trouble.

Regardless, I still feel sad.