Jump

I haven't actually sat down to write at a computer in over 3 months. I've been trying to keep up on my mobile, but I get frustrated so easily on it.

Anyway, I'm here now, and I need to talk. Really talk. You know how I've always had alternate names for people when I write about them on here? I don't have one for him. I keep trying to think of one. But I just seem to draw a blank every time.... and maybe that's good. That I'm not trying too hard to give him a different persona that I can idolize, or put on a pedestal. Maybe? He's mine. For now, and you know I just need to let that be enough. I need to. I'm consciously trying to sabotage this now. NOW. He's got a past as I do too. We're 100% honest with each other. That should be enough right? I was going to make a list of all thing things I really wanted out of our relationship, and then see what I actually got and what I didn't have from him. I'm not going to make things even more complicated. Breathe, breathe and breathe again.


I love him. I didn't think I would. I didn't think I would so soon. I didn't think I could admit it to myself either.

Well here we go, jumping in like we said we'd always do....