I forget how fast ambien takes hold. I'll make this quick before my subconscious takes hold and wants to know if penguins have knees. Mother effing boyfriend. Yeah, I complained. Amd I got what I asked for from friends. They don't like him. But say they will try for my sake. It just.......gets so hard to keep defending his effing stuipd selfish behavior. I love him. He doesn't know. And I keep wanting to tell him, but every time, someth bad happens and I end up.....eff. WHY the fuck. Him. Me. We are supposed to be good. Why does this go bad so frequently. And is it only for me? Is it only in my head? I need answers. I need and crave certainty. He's so amazing and he's gotten so much better. Yet half the time I feel insignificant. Me........yeah.....who the fuck would ever have the power to make me feel like that. This is what my future looks like? This is the one I may marry? Um......yes. But not before we get some serious shite straight. You don't treat me like a second class citizen. You don't treat me like I'm always going to be there. What if I'm not sure? How would you cope? Huh? What would you do without me?
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