Desparing

I’m back at college and I remember why I hate it so much. Teachers who don’t teach their subject and ramble on about what they believe instead. Friends who complain endlessly about their problems. Me, who as hard as I try, cannot be optimistic about my future. Optimism. Where on earth does it come from? I can't even fathom. The future is a winding path that maliciously gives us a false picture of where it’s going to lead us. I am cognizant of the surprises now. I guess. At times I wish my life could be unfolded like a map, so that I could see where I’m going. Instead I follow that winding path to every dark and unusual place it leads me. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “What a downer! Has she no bright outlook on life?” About this point in my life, you would be correct. I am a downer, and I can’t get out of it. I want to be happy and full of sunshine, but my sun has dimmed and the energy has stopped sustaining me. I guess I’ve followed the path in to a dark part of the woods. One where the canopy of leaves is so thick, hardly any sun can get through. I will keep on following this path and hope that it leads me to a sunny meadow. For now, I’m walking, lost in the dark.