Everything I Never Wanted

I am afraid. Afraid this will end the way the others always have. I'm not supposed to second guess things, of this I'm certain.  Yet if it's in your nature, how do you override it?
My dearest Kindred sent me this at a time when I needed it most. I'm afraid he changes my mood. Makes things better, or worse. Everything I never wanted.

"I have always adored this passage, but I think it's particularly poignant for where we are at right now. And it's strangely peace-inducing."

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves