Singapore

I guess it seems, that late nights when I can't sleep, this blog become a source of comfort. I have been through a lot the past couple days, and I'm really trying to keep it together. The first problem with the fact that Socks is out of the country, and I feel like every single day she's gone, is another day that were are slipping apart. The second is seeing my friend Helen deal with the fact that the person she really cared about is no good for her. The third and the most heavy thing on my mind, is the fact that the new man in my life may be leaving to Singapore. For 4 entire months. He told me this all with a hypothetical tone, and he told me not to worry about it. I told him he needed to do what was best for him, and he told me that the way that I had said it, felt like I had stabbed him. What was I supposed to say? That I realize I really do love you and I don't want you leave me for 4 months? That I want you to pick me over your job even though you haven't known me long enough? That I want you to really mean what you said when you were joking and you wanted to marry me. That I want to have a new life and adventure with somebody is amazing as you are. They stop being questions don't they? And start to become, wants. In my last relationship I was faced with a situation like this. It ended up not happening, my ex did not end up going to Afghanistan for 4 months. And I was very happy. But now...this man I feel so much for, may actually disappear. I'm willing to do a long distance relationship, I really really am. That's what we've been doing so far and it's worked pretty well I believe. He called me today, and I guess I've just been in my own head thinking that he's been too busy for me, and he told me that he's been thinking about me all day. He just says stuff like that. I'm not used to hearing, and it makes me think, that he's different. When maybe he's not. But then I realized I have to stop thinking like that. I know that relationships are live and learn, and live and let live. I just want one that stays good for a while. With somebody who really does love me. And I'm starting to believe that this man actually does. I know that my best friend reads these, she should know and should ask me about it, but I was looking up the rules on getting married in a foreign country. I had this grand idea in my head that I would go visit him when he was in Singapore, and I'd come back married. Maybe they're just delusions of grandeur. I'm already really lonely person, I don't want to be anymore.