I Have Died

The thing is, is....... Like ugh!!! Fuck! I can't do anything while everyone is there, and no one is drunk, and even then I'm not sure. Like it's the type of person who says they don't like things just to say it. And then you come to find out they do, but never told you. I like that, right? I like the honesty that comes with the douchyness? I mean, the shy half-ginge on roids can't hold my heart forever, can he??? Can....he? I sent him a valentine... and Kindred said that was bad. We're together "in a sense" again. And Socks says that's bad. I made him his favourite muffins. Was that a bad idea? Yet when Alexander mentioned he was hungry, I didn't offer to make anything like I would in the past. I get breaking patterns, and I get being different. But if Alexander thinks I'm still doing things for Wyoming, because I still like him, I mean, not like I actually give a fuck, where is that going to leave me? Oh wait, I know, alone. Kindred makes the effort and gets stuff, Socks doesn't make the effort, and still gets stuff. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO TO GET ANYTHING!?!?!?!?!