Last Train Home

I've had to start taking the train in the morning. My car's clutch finally gave out on me, and the only form of speedy transportation, was the train. I now get up 3 hours earlier than I used to, in order to catch a bus, a tram, and then finally a train to get to my said destination. Strikingly, it's relaxing. No traffic, no boring 'shoot your mind out' commute. And saves on a little of the gas. Any way, so, basically, I'm putting myself in a more "relaxed state of mind. It's working a little.

I talked to my dad last night. And while I'm going to fly down to SC and see them in about 2 1/2 weeks, he'll be here Tuesday, I am so mother effing excited. I get to chill with my dad WITHOUT worrying about my step-mother.

Drugs are going well too, I guess. I mean, I'm taking mood controllers anti-depressants and I'm felling more and more like myself. More so..... I'm just worried about loosing sight of how far I've come in the past year as a person. Like for reals.  I know that all my reactions haven't been stellar, but I've made my way through a lot. First true love, then a heartbreaking rejection, being passed over for a lesser person, and now without him as a fixture in my life at all. I did all that while un-drugged. Yay me! So now, with the drugs, I'm super concerned I won't be as bad-ass and awesometastic as I was. I mean sure, I was unhappy as dead clam, but I made it. That's the thing though isn't it? I made it. What does a lifelong dependency on drugs going to make of me? Will I still be able to make it?