Brother Where Art Thou?

I hate him. I miss him. He's stupid. He's my brother.

I told him, along with my mother and step-dad, that we'd all try again in 6 months. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to stick to that. I have to.................

I met with my Aunt today. She knows. What I'm doing to myself. She told me that you dread the day that it all falls apart. Emotion, all night, has been welling. It's strange since I haven't felt in so long. I'm having trouble even writing this down. My brother, Miles, is one of the only people who knew the Old Me. Sock did too. But Miles know the little me, the 5-year-old me. And I can't talk to him. He's so cultist, or rather involved in one. I just can't believe I lost him. Denial I guess. He makes me out to be the evil one? Eff!!! He's ridiculous, he's become me, or the Old Me. *shudder* No one should ever have to be that. I don't even know him anymore. At all. Is it him who has changed beyond recognition. or me? Have I become what I once feared? No. I am sane. Normal. Absolutely normal. Ish..... God....... what's happened. We once used to be able to get along despite our differences. Now, or I guess I should say when, we talk, he'll preach, or judge. I just couldn't do it any more, I couldn't take it. And while I may lose it after my fingers leave the keyboard. I think of him tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after, and.....always. Forever. Because he's my little brother. I would give my life for him. Funny though, he probably would thing it was good enough to accept. Sorry, sarcasm comes easily. Oh well. It's sad that my heart beats for that boy and only that boy.